Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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