me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
