literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
