so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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