I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
