Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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