I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
