he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
