I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
