Where is the hickey?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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