Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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