is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
