two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
