I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
