Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
