i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
