Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
