Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
