if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
