Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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