we're chasing vodka with high fives
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
