I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
