the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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