I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
