My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
