lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
