my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
