people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
