And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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