brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
