this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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