my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
