operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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