wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just gift wrapped bread.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
