I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
