those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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