if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
