I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
