so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
