I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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