Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
