If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
