I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
