Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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