Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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