So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize