I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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