i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
