You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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