Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
