pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
