and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
