you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
