feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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