tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am naked and annoyed.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
