hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
