The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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