im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who died my cat blue again?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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