Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
