My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
