well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
