oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
