Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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