I skipped work to stalk him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
