Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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