I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
