thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
As shirtless as possible
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
