I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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