Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
