what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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