Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
