singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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