Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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