ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Semen is not good for contacts.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
