its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
