Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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