I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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