This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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