We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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