Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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