I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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