im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
