she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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