Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
