since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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