I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
