don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
